in five feet use the far right lane to make a u-turn into oncoming traffic, then turn right

Siri, where can I hide the body?

Something I do is when the voice auto correct screws up. I leave it alone. It was fate. It is also likely to bring a smile to someones face. Or possibly annoy the piss out of them so that they stop texting me and just call so they can get my voicemail and leave me a message.


Patrick: What the hell is taking him so long?
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Patrick: Dial Paddy
Google Now: Dialing Doyle’s Public House…
Patrick: Shit!
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Patrick: No. Dial Paddy Pogue
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Google Now: Dialing Sexy Motherfucker…
Patrick: Really? You can’t manage to dial the phone, but you can change your contact info in mine
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VMM: Hi. You’ve reached the voice mail of Patrick Maylo…
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Patrick: OK, that’s actually funny