Character: Patrick

40ish, semi-employed.

in five feet use the far right lane to make a u-turn into oncoming traffic, then turn right

Siri, where can I hide the body?

in five feet use the far right lane to make a u-turn into oncoming traffic, then turn right

Something I do is when the voice auto correct screws up. I leave it alone. It was fate. It is also likely to bring a smile to someones face. Or possibly annoy the piss out of them so that they … Read More

so sayeth the plastic skeleton wearing a revealing work uniform and no pants. What a role model

You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry

so sayeth the plastic skeleton wearing a revealing work uniform and no pants. What a role model

Paddy: Look, I have no issue apologizing for the pickle incident. truthfully, I was kind of an arse Paddy: But nobody, no matter who they are, will tell me what I can or can’t wear, what I can or cannot do with or … Read More

Where the hell has he been keeping his tips? and how the fuck is he locking up the house?

Goldfish

Where the hell has he been keeping his tips? and how the fuck is he locking up the house?

Conveniently, because I no longer have a buffer, the weather has once again changed and it’s nice out again. Inconveniently, I need a buffer because I’ll be busy the next few Thursday & Fridays when I usually do the comic. … Read More

I'm not even sure he's ever set foot in a Walmart. At least not since he and Sam had that affair in Little Rock.

Nice Melons

I'm not even sure he's ever set foot in a Walmart. At least not since he and Sam had that affair in Little Rock.

Tit-sling? Cantaloupe catapult? What exactly are you doing with that banana? Orange you glad I’m out of fruit jokes? What? You don’t carrot all? Fine. I have to Pea anyway. No big dill.   Patrick: Well you go get ready and … Read More

#cucumber

Insert Cucumber Joke Here

#cucumber

I like cucumbers.   Paddy: OK, the cat is fed and the pizza will be ready for pick up in thirty minutes Patrick: I thought you were having it delivered Paddy: They said they don’t deliver here Patrick: What? That’s crazy! They’re less than … Read More

Some people are too into pizza

Hot & Saucy

Some people are too into pizza

Going a bit retro with this weeks title. Skateboards and roller skates and chicken suits and John Holmes. Then of course the cheesy modern version mentioned in the comic.   Paddy: Are we ordering for leftovers? Patrick: Sure? Paddy: Sausage? Patrick: Yes … Read More

I mean come on, why else wear a Porsche Track suit.

iPhone7SS

I mean come on, why else wear a Porsche Track suit.

Patrick: You know, if you were to wear pants you would have a pocket to put your phone in Paddy: Shows what you know. Those pockets are useless. Most of them can barely fit a dime Paddy: and don’t even … Read More

Raining, again? What is this? Seattle?

Here comes the rain again

Raining, again? What is this? Seattle?

Yup. I didn’t take enough out side photos before. Now the deck is clean, there are extra chairs, it’s cloudy, a completely different time of day… Meh, usually the furniture changes in the background every week anyhow. It’s part of … Read More

We're in the pacific northwest. We recycle everything. Even dialogue.

Recycling

We're in the pacific northwest. We recycle everything. Even dialogue.

Oh, drama. Does the dog belong to Mr. Rubenbottom? Will it make Mrs Metiche leave her window seat? Will it spawn a neighborly fling, or a neighborhood turf war? and what about the damned leash laws? To find out, come … Read More

We can rebuild him, but we can't afford the technology

Don’t forget Michelle Ryan

We can rebuild him, but we can't afford the technology

I think the series The Venture Brothers explained the silliness of the Six Million Dollar Man Sasquatch episode the best. It’s the best explanation   Patrick: OK so how does that feel? Paddy: Like I have a new spring to my step Patrick: and … Read More